I have a friend who is quite having a same circumstances with me. So without much talk, we can easily come to an understanding and reach that “uhm uhm, I got that” moment. It is priceless! And recently, we’re involved on the never ending talk about why people care so much about marriage. I won’t discuss much about it as it is really never ending, mostly try to figure out confirmation and validation of why it’s okay being single on this “oh you should really start having a serious date” age. And this talk led me to this super witty article, insightful thought written in the very daily words. I love the man behind this web.
Couldn’t stop nodding at the Traffic Test, I created my own to see if a person is worth to be considered as a partner. It’s called a Co-Pilot Test.
Since long I have developed a belief that I’m bad on remembering routes, locating position, or giving direction. As the truth is as far as the belief, so yes, I’m really really bad on these. But lucky now they invent this very helpful app which can show very detail and clear routes to reach any specific place. The feature I enjoy the most is its prediction on the distance, so I can anticipate how far I should take a turn or drive to the left lane to exit the toll way. The second favorite is of course because it is talking. This app produces a voice when directing, so I shouldn’t have to look at my phone often – besides it’s very unsafe, I hate people who are looking at their phone while driving, so I just don’t wanna do it. And as a bonus, I get a man voice. Call me pathetic but I feel safer when it’s a man who’s talking. Let’s call him Mamang (I’m not sure if there’s an option to use a man or a woman voice but my friend got a woman’s and I must say that she’s heard very fussy).
So basically, this Co-Pilot Test is only about how well someone sitting beside me could work together with Mamang and do some additional works like every good partner does – helping to read the sign, reacting calmly when I take a wrong turn (yes I still do this a lot even with Mamang’s help and please don’t make me panic by being over-reacted), or helping to prepare money for toll tariff. Let me recall some people and see why he/ she could or could not make a good partnership (at least with me).
By the way, she’s the friend I was talking about at the very beginning of this story, a friend I know for almost 4 years. It is not very long but what we’ve come through makes the counting years not quite relevant to how well we know each other. She’s one of Sangihe Squad and one of the closest. And in regards with being a good co-pilot, she made it! With a minimum score.
- She loves to talk. She can turn to a totally different topic from the original one. Very knowledgeable and resourceful, I can never get bored talking with her (except when she started to be drowning with sorrow she created herself). So, one tick on good co-pilot side.
- As the consequences, she’s not really helping on giving direction, often distracting. When we both need to focus on reading sign, we’re still involved in a super intense talk and Bam!! We arrived in Purwakarta instead of Bandung. This is a big no. But in the end, we just found it very funny and laughed at ourselves.
Another the closest on Sangihe Squad. He’s been living in Bandung for years so every time I visit Bandung, which is quite often, he becomes my co-pilot. How well is he?
- As a man often does, he’s quite good on giving direction. He doesn’t really need Mamang as he knows Bandung pretty well. Even when he’s not really sitting on the co-pilot chair, he texts me with a very detail instruction on what signs I need to be aware of, to see if I am taking the right passage. For the person as bad as I am, clear signs is a big help.
- One thing I find disturbing is he’s worried too much. When driving, sometimes you need to move to the next lane as you’ll have a long queue in front. And when I make that move, he acted like I am careless, not aware of motorcycle behind. So he said much fuss like “watch out”, “see motorcycle behind”, or “slowly”. I take this as little trust and me no like it.
Without much talk, I only want to say that I couldn’t stand driving her for a long trip. I’m sorry Mom. A bit glimpse of what makes it so:
- She’s always panic. Ok, this is what every Mom does
- She gets angry when I took a wrong turn. This is another thing every Mom does, isn’t it?
- She doesn’t understand why I couldn’t remember routes I passed before. Mom, I don’t understand either, could you please just tell which way I should take? Right or left?
Well, I think it’s just a typical thing. Maybe when I become a mom, I will also behave exactly like her and read a blog of how awful I am as a co-pilot. Hopefully not.
A friend from uni. We barely knew each other and I don’t even remember if we ever talked before. It’s just couple of days ago he sat on that hot seat, and combined with the Traffic Test, he gave me this idea of Co-Pilot Test. I can say he’s pretty good.
- He’s living far away from Jakarta so he knows no better than me about this city (we both clearly need Mamang). What makes him good is his empathetic way in showing which turn I should take and his easy response when I made mistake twice. Unlike Yuri or Mom, he didn’t make any fuss of how I drive so my confidence is up. When no traffic ahead, I could swing Bumblebee freely and that’s what I love from driving.
- Despite the fact that we never talked before, it’s good to find no awkward moment of silence (yes, I think there’s a little while, but every first thing must always has that awkward silence) and the talk can go on and on
- Well, he hates Jakarta’s traffic and that somehow affecting my mood, but who doesn’t?
A very best friend since high school. I myself amaze of the fact that I could befriend someone that long. And to add my amazement, she is the best co-pilot ever! Oh I learn a lot from her. Not visiting her when I’m in Bandung is a stupid mistake. She knows every turns, shortcuts, where the traffic’s happening, what’s the cool place to see, good place to eat, etc. These are qualities makes her the best:
- She clearly doesn’t need Mamang for Bandung, but she knows how it’s very helpful for me and acts out exactly like Mamang. She helps me to anticipate every turn just in a right time – when it’s not too far and not too close. She reminds me about the traffic light, one way passage, or the passing cars in a way which makes me stay alert yet without making a bossy or fussy tune. It is just perfect.
- One special thing I love from her is her empathy. She always help preparing money for parking, toll, or to some unofficial street police. This is the thing I rarely find on people sitting on co-pilot chair, so I get used to prepare everything by myself. And when she helped me, she’s teaching me that a small help could mean a lot to people in need.
- She’s a very good driver herself. She’s the one I look up to when it comes to long trip driving. She has that maintained energy, good in navigation, and she loves driving. She said it helps her to release the negative energy by singing out loud alone while driving. I tried it out and very well proven. What else you can ask?
So, what this test is really saying about a good partner? For me, there’re several qualities on finding or being one:
- You don’t need history. You just need an open minded person. Anggi is the example of a very open minded person, we can laugh at mistakes we stumble upon. And Arif proved that you don’t need to know people too long to be able to make a partnership. When you’ll be having long days ahead together, you’ll be needing someone who will gladly grow together. So every unexpected turn, every mistake, every lost, is not seen as thing you will be blamed to. It’s simply thing we need to laugh at.
- Please trust me. I know sometimes I put myself near danger. I enjoy the sense of getting lost in an unknown place, being a stranger, or risking things. But it doesn’t mean I am careless. So stop the fuss and enjoy the ride.
- Don’t forget empathy. Oh this is the hard work. When it is ok to just sit but you’re willing to involve in difficulties, you’re just showing the best form of caring. There, pretty clear you’re in a good hand baby.
- Show me how to enjoy life. When we tend to make things complicated, it’s good to be with someone who can show the joy on every simple doing – singing like crazy at the radio playlist or appreciating the little while of smooth drive between traffics.