Recalling my another favorite quotation, “In the end, only three things matter: how much you loved, how gently you lived and how gracefully you let go of things not meant to you”.
I haven’t come to understand the first two, but can’t argue with the last. At least for me, it’s the very first foundation to keep me going and make a living. “Gracefully, let go and not meant” hold their own value. How much should I try to be sure that something really does not meant to me? How to be graceful when I feel like losing the precious one? How can I let go?
My unplanned trip now seems as the very well prepared learning sent from above. It helps me answering those questions, to see things with a fresh look, that it’s ok to let things go, and you will know when something really belongs to you or you might deserve something else.
I see myself as a planner. I consider different aspects before I decide, I need to be sure before I take an action, I want reliable reason as the base of anything I do, I doubt to walk when I can’t see the path. But now I feel grateful for believing the impulse I felt that morning. The sense of breaking the rule I set to myself, to face any risks I should take, to embrace the mystery of life, to discover.
Now that I’ve come to this point, I can see myself better. Quite contrary to the rule I set for myself, I have this tendency to fall into someone unsettled, which I’m not sure where life will take us, and I usually start losing interest with someone where I can see clearly how I will end up. It’s the paradox I am living, where I need a fixed plan for myself yet need a mystery for a partner.
What I want is having the chance to discover, to unfold the possibility awaits ahead, to capture the ability to grateful. Both the lost and the trip have lead me to be free, free from the fear to face reality, free from wary to having a new path, free to trust the impulse, free to let things go.
As Daniel Gilbert pointing on his book, “Our experiences instantly become part of the lens through which we view our entire past, present and future. And like any other lens, they shape and distort what we see”.
So I know, what I need is a new experience, not to replace the old one as it will always be a part of my lens, but to create a new contact, to reshape the way I see things.
I want to climb another mountains, dive to the deepest, meeting new people, becoming a part of a new family, learning new skills (like cooking and dancing), becoming a good friend and maybe later, becoming a better lover.
Future is still a mystery, and it will always be. But from now on, I don’t need a guarantee to be succeeded. I just want to experience a discovery.
When you do something that is guaranteed for succeed, you’re closing the possibility for discovery.